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The coronavirus has brought me home, literally and figuratively. What is it teaching you?

“Illness is a shortcut”, my yoga teacher told me, one day.

I am seeing how much Aline was right as the pandemic–and the lockdown that has gone along with it—makes many of us re-consider the things that are not quite working for us—whether it’s our health, a job, a relationship, or just the way we deal with a specific situation.

I have been affected by the coronavirus, too.

Mid-March, shortly before Georgians were told to “shelter-in-place”, my boyfriend at the time convinced me to leave my apartment in Atlanta where I live and to drive to stay with him in North Georgia. Love, six acres of land and a vegetable garden motivated me to pack and go.

There was another deeper motivation—the need to be heard and accepted, to find a nest where I could feel safe and secure. Something that I have longed for, all my life.

In short, that day in March, I was driving to paradise.

In the course of three weeks, I realized that, as beautiful as this paradise was, it was his paradise. I felt who I was didn’t fit in. I caught myself saying“yes” when really my soul meant “no”, too often. I was compromising my integrity.

In the end, I chose to say “no”. I chose to confront my fear of being rejected. That’s quite an accomplishment for someone who has constantly tried to meet the expectations and desires of others. 

I also chose to confront the fear of driving through a locked down Georgia and Atlanta, in the midst of the pandemic.

I drove back home feeling peaceful. “Safe in integrity”, said my friend Roy.

Since then, I have been doing something I have never done before. I have been busy creating my own paradise.

Whether it’s practicing yoga, re-arranging my office, re-planting, bonding with family and friends in new ways, teaching French and yoga therapy, occupying my blog again, cooking, you name it, I am rooting in my own nest. Feeling safe. What I have been searching outside of myself for decades, has been inside all along.

I live in integrity. I feel it in my body. What better thing could I do to protect myself from a life-threatening disease?


8 Replies to “Back Home”

  1. I am happy to see you are at peace and rediscovering the truth and your own identity. This pandemic has given us an opportunity to slow down and find the truth for many of us. I am still in the process. Sending lots of joy and laughter from this end. Hugs, Carmen Kanazawa on Guam

  2. Happy you are home and happy. Love you my friend. I actually have so enjoyed my time at home with plenty to do. Hope to see you soon

  3. Chère Elisabeth,

    Bonjour et merci pour ton blog; l’honnêteté et l’exemple de trouver la paix là où elle existe vraiment, en nous. Tu me manques.

    Prends soin de toi,
    Ella

    1. Oh my god, it’s so good to hear from you, Leif!
      That’s what you taught us in Gestalt. That’s what we’re here for. Thank you for your validation. It means so much!
      With all my affection. Elisabeth

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